The concept of enabling sounds straight forward doing for others what they can and need to do for themselves and yet it's often incredibly hard to distinguish between helping, supporting, and enabling. Enabling behavior, simply put, shields people from experiencing the full impact and consequences of their behavior. Enabling is different from helping and supporting in that it allows the enabled person to be irresponsible.
Protects the person from the natural consequences of there behavior , Keeps secrets about the persons behavior from others in order to keep peace , Makes excuses for the persons behavior (with : friends, legal authorities, employers, and other family members)Bails the person out of trouble (pays debts, fixes tickets, hires lawyers, and provides jobs)Blames others for the person's behaviors (friends, teachers, employers, family, and self)Sees "the problem" as the result of something else (shyness, adolescence, loneliness, broken home, ADHD, or another illness)Avoids the person in order to keep peace (out of sight, out of mind)Gives money that is undeserved or unearned , Attempts to control that which is not within the enabler's ability to control (plans activities, chooses friends, and gets jobs) Makes threats that have no follow-through or consistence. People will not and cannot learn from their mistakes if they are overprotected , and Detachment with love means caring enough about others to allow them to learn from their mistakes, and It also means being responsible for our own welfare and making decisions without ulterior motives the desire to control others , and Ultimately we are powerless to control others anyway , and Most family members of a person has been trying to change that person for a long time, and it hasn't worked and We are involved with other people but we don't control them and We simply can't stop people from doing things if they choose to continue, and Understood this way, and detachment , and when we refuse to take responsibility for other people's actions , choices and behavior we allow them to face the natural consequences of their behavior , i was reading this from a article about enabling and wanted to post it because i felt the need to address those that enable others , and there choices , actions , and behavior its important to know that no one can change what they don't acknowledge and as long as you enable a person that should not be being enabled to begin with they will never change ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THEN WORDS!