Tuesday, 9 January 2018

Pathological lairs , and mental illness and my experience and shared information :



The reason i am making this post i just ended a friendship with a friend that is a pathological lair , and add to it i suffer with complex PTSD which is not a good mix at all lets start off talking about what a pathological lair is the symptoms , what causes a pathological lair to be a pathological lair , the behavior of a pathological lair , and the effect a pathological lair can put on not only a normal person but a person with mental health issues.
This is some the information i gathered up and i can really relate to this information about a pathological lair :
Pathological liar is someone who compulsively tells lies or fabricates information out of habit. They may not be completely rooted in reality, believing the lies they tell, often in an effort to remedy low self-esteem. To spot a pathological liar, pay attention to their behavior and body language, such as excessive eye contact. Also, listen for any inconsistencies in their stories. Problems like substance abuse and a history of unstable relationships are all additional indications someone may be a pathological liar. According to Psychology Today, while compulsive, pathological lying has no “official diagnosis,” it is associated with a range of personality disorders, such as borderline, narcissist and antisocial. The sociopathic/narcissistic pathological liar has no moral qualms about lying which makes it easy to look someone in the eye and tell a bold-faced lie. Some pathological liars believe their lies; living in a fantasy world that they’ve constructed. In other cases of pathological lying, the liar experienced trauma early in life and began lying as a coping mechanism, and, at some point, lying became more comfortable and “truthful” to them than the truth. Some pathological liars may be actively trying to gain sympathy in a situation. They may tend to exaggerate or make up pains and illnesses, for example, or exaggerate small issues in their lives to ridiculous proportions in order to gain sympathy from anyone. Pathological liars may also have low self-esteem. They may lie to make themselves look more important than they truly are. They may exaggerate accomplishments in personal or professional areas in order to make their lives seem impressive and worthy. In this case, they may be lying to convince themselves rather than to mislead you. Some pathological liars simply lie out of boredom. They will fabricate events and make up lies to hurt others. This creates drama, alleviating boredom in the pathological liar's life. Some pathological liars may enjoy the attention that they get from others by telling extravagant stories about themselves. In order to keep up appearances, they may spin larger and more complicated lies. Pathological liars may often get caught lying. Frequently, you may hear someone else's story retold as if it happened to a pathological liar. If something about a story sounds familiar to you, stop to consider whether you've heard that story before. When confronted, a pathological liar may find a way to avoid answering a question. Pathological liars are manipulative by nature, so you may think they've answered something when they really have failed to do so Pathological liars are experts at manipulating others. They tend to study others to find ways to divert their attention away from their lies. Pay attention to how a pathological liar interacts with you. You may Detect subtle manipulation. No two pathological liars are the same. However, most of them will react aggressively when caught in a lie. If someone seems to get angry in response to accusations of lying, you may be dealing with a pathological liar. Reacting with anger is another technique used by  pathological liars You try to have an open discussion about something that just isn't adding up, and that person erupts in a rage. You immediately shut down. At first maybe you're upset and pissed right back. But then, when it becomes clear that your friend is not backing down from there volcanic rage, you become nervous you've somehow gone too far and pushed them over the edge. You even apologize to them for making them so angry and find yourself being more careful in the future to not set them off I personally dealt with this on a daily basis with this person i called a friend , and this person would hide there anger around others and try and turn it on me it was always my fault. If you have seen your friend unflinchingly and convincingly tell a lie to someone else, stop right there; you are dealing with a stone cold liar. You may try to rationalize that they would never lie to you, in fact, they only lied to protect you! But if they can lie to someone else with ease, they can, and will, do it to you. Pathological liars will often lie about small, unimportant things that may leave you scratching your head. Pay attention to these supposedly insignificant lies. Ron Schouten, author of Almost a Psychopath, describes a pathological liar who lied “about little things, like what he had had for dinner the night before.” The take away? A liar is a liar. Period. There are different types and levels of lying, but if you suspect that anyone in your life is a pathological liar, talk to a counselor or therapist. Your primary care physician is also a great resource. Every case is different; determine what is safe for you and your situation. Keep in mind though that pathological liars rarely, if ever, change their ways, and so my advice is to seek help for yourself first. If you determine that your pathological liar is also on the psychopathy spectrum, your only recourse is having no contact and cutting off any and all contact do not fall for the excuses guilt and pity and lies in my situation this person i tried to get out my life numerous times this person would lie manipulate control guilt me into allowing them back into my life and tell me what i wanted to hear there like leeches they will latch on and they will suck the life right out of you leaving you confused and disappointed , and honestly the mental emotional verbal psychological and psychical abuse this person put me through has caused me a great deal of anxiety stress panic , and flash backs nightmares i am scared when my phone rings or someone knocks on my door pathological lairs are all about control , and they will stop at no cost to get there way , and they will lie and lie its honestly scary people like this exist in this world and that is why i wanted to write this post , and bring this subject up and share some information because i did not know until i started seeing the signs and symptoms , and i was so brain washed with the lies but i am glad i have the blinders off and see clearly and see what an affect its put on me , and i removed this person from my life but its also made me into a stronger, deeper, and more empathetic person. While breaking free from the pathological liar may feel impossible, you must take steps to distance yourself from them as soon as possible  your sanity, physical health mental health and future happiness  having a pathological lair in your life is unhealthy and toxic person to have in your life for a normal person but a person with mental illness my self it was pure hell and that is why i broke free and i did not see what i see now , and i am glad i did my research  , and read up on pathological lairs because like i said they can have you so controlled , manipulated , and brain washed , and they will do nothing but drag you down with there lies.

I also wanted to share this link to :
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/caregivers/2014/09/6-subtle-characteristics-of-the-pathological-liar/

Here are some things addressed on that blog : that i can really relate to :

  1. Personality Disorders:
    1. Antisocial Personality Disorder (better known as sociopathy)
    2. Borderline Personality Disorder
    3. Narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder
  2. Behavioral disorders:
    1. Conduct disorder (often diagnosed in children and teens who have criminal-like behaviors or who demonstrate sociopathic traits such as animal cruelty, fire setting, and oppositional behaviors toward authority)
    2. Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) and CD (conduct disorder)
    3. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) often combined with ODD or CD
Certain personality traits where pathological lying may occur include:
  1. Narcissism or self-centered behaviors and thought patterns
  2. Selfishness
  3. Abusive attitude
  4. Obsessive, controlling, and compulsive behaviors
  5. Impulsivity
  6. Aggressiveness
  7. Jealous behavior
  8. Manipulative behaviors
  9. Deceptiveness
  10. Socially awkward, uncomfortable, or isolated
  11. Low self-esteem
  12. Tempermentalness
  13. Anger
It is important to keep in mind that there are pathological liars who quite frankly just cannot help telling so many lies. It is almost like an automatic impulse for the liar. Their world is much different from our world. But there are also liars who are gratified by telling lies, are good at it, and do not regret anything they have ever said. These individuals are “skillful” liars who attempt to evade and harm everyone they come across in their lives. In fact, these liars would meet diagnostic criteria for antisocial personality disorder (or sociopathy). These sociopaths also tell truths in ways that give incorrect perspectives. In other words, they tell the truth in a misleading way to cause people to view things in an incorrect fashion. Such individuals enjoy and get much gratification from keeping you confused and believing their stories. It is the experience of watching a “victim” run through the maze of confusion that gives gratification to most liars.
Based on my clinical experience and general research of the profession, I encourage you to keep 6 things in mind as you deal with the pathological liar:
  1. Know that a pathological liar will study you: The goal of the liar may be hidden, but you can count on the fact that they don’t want you to know the truth. In order to evade someone, you certainly need to study the person and examine what that person might or might not believe. Liars, often sociopaths, are known to “study” the person they hope to take advantage of. In other words, they look for weaknesses.
  2. Don’t forget that the liar lacks empathy: As hard as it is to believe, it is true. The liar does not have any moral consciousness of how the lying behavior may make you feel. The liar does not think before he lies: “oh, I better not say that or I could hurt that person or mislead them.” The liar does not care anything about your feelings and never will. A question many parents of my former clients have asked their child who lies is: “Why don’t you just tell me the truth? Why is that so hard!?” As difficult as it is to believe, it is not that easy for the liar to divulge the truth. The liar lacks the ability to consider what you might feel in response to their lie (which is empathy).
  3. Normal people feel guilty and are relieved when you change the topic or stop asking questions: This was an interesting point that I learned about as I studied forensic psychology as a graduate student some years ago. While working with juvenile delinquents, I found that the pathological liar shows no emotion when lying which makes them believable. A person who is lying and has normal levels of empathy and concern for others will often show relief when the topic being discussed is changed. For example, if someone told you that they grew up in a concentration camp and experienced a lot of trauma as a result, you would ask questions about it to further understand. If you changed the topic at the point when you observed stress or anxiety in response to your questions, you would see the person relax because they are aware of the consequences of their lying. Most of us will relax when others cease from asking too many questions about a topic we are lying about. A pathological liar is not fazed. You will rarely if ever see emotion.
  4. All liars do not do the common things you think liars do: Believe it or not, liars do not always touch their nose, shift in their seats or from one foot to the next, or even look sneaky when lying. Some really experienced liars are good at giving you direct eye contact, seeming relaxed or “laid back,” and may appear very sociable. The thing to look for is eye contact that feels piercing. Some sociopaths have learned how to evade people with direct eye contact, sociable smiles, and humor. Trust your instincts and discernment. What do their eyes tell you? What does their behavior or laughter tell you?
  5. The most sneaky liars are manipulative: I once heard someone say “we all manipulate.” While this might be true to a certain degree, the liar tends to manipulate more than anyone else and has learned how to become a “pro” at doing it. There is nothing impressive about the dangerous or evil manipulator. They know everything to say and do, they know what you want and don’t want, and again, they will “study” you. In fact, many pathological liars (and sociopaths) use sexual or emotional arousal to distract you from the truth. Proceed with caution when dealing with someone who seems to be directing their attention to you in such a way as to stimulate your arousal to distract you. That arousal could be psychological (piquing your interest), emotional (causing you to feel connected to them), or sexual.
  6. Pathological liars exhibit strange behaviors: Can you remember how you felt, perhaps as a child or teen, after you were caught lying to a teacher, a parent, or friend? Did you feel guilty, sad, or afraid that the other person would no longer accept you? Some research suggests that pathological liars show no discomfort when caught lying, while other studies suggest that liars may become aggressive and angry when caught. The bottom line is that no pathological liar is the same.
As you can see, trying to understand the liar is as difficult as trying to understand how the world began. It’s something that requires a lot of study, patience, intuition or discernment, and wisdom. Research continues in trying to understand the mind and behavior of the pathological liar. Psychiatrists and mental health professionals continue to research the liar in order to understand why they do what they do and how we can protect their victims.

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