I am writing this to share a bit more about the realities of my life. When I post on this blog, it is not just to share updates; it is a vital part of my cognitive behavioral toolkit. It is how I externalize my anxiety, process my thoughts, and manage the intense overthinking that comes with my conditions.
Living with Fibromyalgia, Complex PTSD (C-PTSD), and OCD is a constant, invisible battle. I also manage severe migraines, asthma, and am currently recovering from recent surgery. To help those who read this understand why situations like my recent dispute over veterinary care have such a profound impact on me, I want to break down what these conditions actually look like.
Fibromyalgia: This is far more than just "pain." It is a chronic condition causing widespread musculoskeletal pain, fatigue, and cognitive difficulties often called "fibro fog." When I am under extreme stress, my nervous system goes into overdrive, causing my entire body to ache, my breathing to become difficult, and my pain levels to skyrocket.
Complex PTSD (C-PTSD): Unlike standard PTSD, this often results from prolonged, repeated trauma. It deeply affects how I trust others. My brain is constantly scanning for threats because of my history. When I am told someone will help me and that trust is then broken or when I feel neglected by an organization I relied on my C-PTSD tells me that I am unsafe. It makes it incredibly difficult to believe that someone is "on my side," which leads to fear, anxiety, and the tendency to assume the worst.
OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder): My OCD causes me to become trapped in loops of overanalyzing and intrusive thoughts. When I am stressed, my brain demands answers and certainty. If I don't feel I have the full picture, I can become impulsive, acting out of that urgent need to protect myself and my dogs.
Why This Matters
My 13-year-old senior dog is my world. She is medically necessary for my stability. She picks up on my cues, and she keeps me grounded. When I face a situation where her medical care is threatened or dismissed, it is not just a policy issue; it is a direct threat to my safety and my ability to function.
I am a very impulsive person. I have had to work incredibly hard to break negative patterns in my life, and I am proud of the progress I have made. However, when I am hit with intense trauma or fear, I sometimes react quickly. I recently made a post out of fear and confusion, and I deleted it as soon as I realized I had misunderstood the conversation I was having. That was a moment of reactive fear, and I am learning, day by day, that I need to pause, breathe, and ask questions before my brain spirals.
I am sharing this because I know there are others out there who struggle with similar conditions. People often do not see the weight that a disabled person carries. Every decision, every interaction, and every stressful change—like the uncertainty I have been navigating—takes a massive toll on our mental health.
I am doing my best to move forward. I am focused on my dogs, my healing, and my sobriety. My goal is to get the medical support my senior dog and my puppy need, and to continue working toward having a fully trained service dog who can help me navigate these challenges with more confidence.
Thank you for reading and for understanding that when I speak up, it is because I am fighting for the lives of the two beings who mean everything to me.
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